Coupled Emotions

When I wrote, Yell and Shout, Cry and Pout: A Kid’s Guide to Feelings, which describes our eight basic emotions, I searched for a way to help kids remember them more easily.   My solution was to group two emotions together based on how they affected our nervous system.

The first group of emotions I put together was Anger and Fear.   I labeled them as emotions that make us TENSE AND TIGHT.   Anger and Fear both pump up our nervous system.   They energize us for fight or flight.    Anger needs this increased arousal for potential protective maneuvers.    Fear needs this as well to keeps us edgy so we notice everything and assess threats to our survival.

The second group of emotions I paired was Shame and Sadness.   I labeled them as emotions that make you SAGGY and SLOW.   These emotions represent a decrease in our arousal level and cause a temporary dip in energy.  We are slowed down and loose enthusiasm for things that once pleased us.    Shame makes us introspective and question ourselves.    Sadness is our reaction to a loss or rejection; we withdraw to reflect and remember.  

The next grouping is Happiness and Love.   I labeled them as emotions that make you LOOSE and LIGHT.   These are emotions that put us in a state of harmony where our body is relaxed and at ease.   Things are working smoothly and we feel open and receptive.   Happiness is a place of pleasure.  It makes us cooperative and easy to be with.   Love allows us to be intimate with others, to share ourselves and be caring and kind.  

The last grouping is Disgust and Surprise.  These are the emotions that make us UNEASE and QUEASY.  Both these emotion cause immediate physical reactions; compelling us to react.   Surprise is like an alarm that demands our attention.  It stops us in our tracks so we can pay attention and assess what’s happening.  Disgust is our automatic reaction to anything that seems noxious.   We withdraw and try to avoid whatever smell, taste or touch might be tainted or unhealthy.

For more information on emotions and how to help children understand and express their emotions, visit my blog.

Do we Have Primary Emotions Like Primary Colors?

Which emotions constitute our most basic ones? That’s not easy to answer since there are a number of different opinions. As far back as Darwin, theorists speculated about whether emotions are innate or learned, and how many are universally expressed. To shed light on this dilemma, Paul Ekman, a psychologist, traveled to Papua, New Guinea and showed members of an isolated culture, the Fore tribe, photographs of emotions in people from another culture. He found that they could reliably name six emotions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness and surprise. Ekman was, thus, able to show that contrary to the belief of some anthropologists, including Margaret Mead, facial expressions of emotions are not culturally determined, but are basic or biologically universal to all humans.

I decided to use Ekman’s original six emotions and, based on further research, decided to add two additional ones. Many of our basic emotions are designed to keep us aware of danger, potential harm, or novelty in our environment. Others are more social in nature. Happiness and sadness are often related to our interactions with others. I thought the same was true of shame and love They both, but in different ways, help us to stay connected to others or to be an accepted group member. Dacher Keltner, a student of Paul Ekman, in his book, Born to be Good, talks about the importance of the positive emotions and our deep capacity for kindness and compassion.

Take a look at this You Tube video on basic emotions
Or read an interview with Dr. Ekman.

Expressing Emotions Keeps You Healthy

Even as adults, many of us still may be puzzled by what we’re feeling. Often we weren’t taught to pay attention to our feelings or distinguish between them. Like seeing or hearing, emotions alert us to how we’re responding to events, or to the people around us. Emotions need to be a comfortable part of who we are, a part that we accept and value, rather than hid or deny.   

I thought that if I could create a guide that clearly explains each emotion and its unique purpose, then adults might better help children know why emotions are important. We experience emotions every day, so children need guidance in recognizing them. They need help learning to read faces or body language that signal an emotion. They need help in making distinctions between being tired or angry, or being really afraid or just a little shy. Helping kids slow down and make these distinctions will help them become more aware of themselves and more sensitive toward others. Of course, when adults can comfortably express their own emotions, then children have a model to emulate and will feel freer in sharing their own emotions.      

  

Dr. Candace B. Pert in her book, Molecules of Emotion:  Why You Feel the Way You Feel,  talks about the importance of expressing emotions this way:  “ My research has shown me that when emotions are expressed--which is to say that the biochemical’s that are the substrate of emotion are flowing freely--all systems are united and made whole. When emotions are repressed, denied, not allowed to be whatever they may be, our network pathways get blocked, stopping the flow of the vital feel-good unifying chemicals that run both our biology and our behavior.”   

Here's an interesting Bill Moyer's interview with  Dr. Pert.

You can learn more about Dr. Pert here.

More About Color

One of the most creative responses to my question, "What color goes with each emotion?" came in the form of a poem by an artist cousin of mine: 

Anger is a dark red throbbing, its edges glowing orange-yellow, and this in a dark place.

Fear is a very dark gray with a greenish cast.

Sad is less a color than the blur of whatever colors we see through tear-filled eyes.

Shame is the color of the top of whatever shoes I'm wearing.

Surprise is an unexpected flash of brightness, the hue of which doesn't matter.

Disgust has no particular color; it's a recoil from corruption.

Happy is not one color but the sparkling of many.

Love is all the colors we have of eyes, and skin, and hair.

While thinking about color, I learned that in 1666 Sir Isaac Newton became the first person to use a prism to separate pure white light into the colors on the visible spectrum--the colors of the rainbow. Each color has a unique wavelength that makes it irreducible, unable to be separated into other colors. White is the combination of all the visible colors.

RadioLab recently did a terrific show on color. It covers Newton's color experiments and the sequential emergence of individual colors in evolving languages.

What's the Color of Mad?

“ Colours are light’s suffering and joy.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 I thought it would be fun to give a color to each of the emotions. I wondered how to go about choosing, and so I sent off a questionnaire to family and friends to see if I could find any consensus. I got an interesting array of responses and not much consensus. It made me realize just how subjective our experience of color is.  Here are some of the responses from the questionnaire:

 I see love as red (vibrant), fear as black sad as gray

 I would use the blue for "happy" and the yellow for "sad" (think The Yellow Wallpaper, Charlotte Perkins Gilman)

 I hesitated at blue for sad, because even though "being blue" is feeling sad, I think of blue as a peaceful, happy, and calming color.

Have you thought of changing the  fonts of each emotion, as well as the color?

I think that you should use primary colors for primary emotions. Then there's warm verses cool colors. Primary colors have an intensity that secondary or tertiary colors lack. There's also tone, or the amount of black or grey in a color

 "What is the color of fear?" The best answer went to dark red. I was thinking "black," but probably it wouldn't work graphically.

 Here are the eight emotions in my book:

 Anger,  Fear,  Sadness,  Shame,  Surprise,  Disgust,  Happiness and  Love . 

 What Color Would You Use For Each  Emotion?

It Takes A Village

While I was writing, Let Your Feelings Show, I got a lot of input from my family. It’s so helpful to get feedback when you’re writing. Writing is a solitary endeavor and sometime you lose perspective. I was so focused on getting the text accurate, that I hadn’t been thinking much about the reader’s experience. When my son read my first draft, he gave me some invaluable advice. He advised using more examples, stories that kids could relate to immediately. So with his help, I began to develop short vignettes to demonstrate each of the emotions.

Then, my daughter, gave me another invaluable piece of advice. She suggested that I needed to include illustrations. She argued that illustrations would anchor the concepts and, of course, she was right. So Illustrations got added.

My husband was my heavy editor. He flagged the text when my language was too adult or not concise. He checked grammar and patiently listened to multiple revisions. Now, I definitely know why people have editors. I, luckily, had a talented and loving family. Not to mention, friends who’s wisdom and support keep me bolstered and made this book better.

Let Your Feelings Show About To Launch

I’m really thrilled to soon be introducing my book, Let Your Feelings Show. Although, I never set out to write this book, it’s been an exciting journey and I’ve learned a lot. It happened because I couldn’t find what I was looking for. I wanted a book to recommend to parents to help them explain emotions to their children. Although there were books about specific emotions, I wanted a basic primer that explained all the emotions and their purpose. Since I couldn’t find it, I just went ahead and wrote it. It’s almost done and I think it’s a really helpful guide. It lays out in clear language and with examples and illustrations the purpose of each of our basic eight emotions. My hope is that all children learn a language for their emotions and it becomes as common as learning shapes, colors or the alphabet.