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| Photo Credit: ibosocial.com |
There
are three important reasons why helping kids understand their emotions makes
them smart. First, when you help kids notice their emotions, they develop self
awareness; second, when you help kids pause and problem solve on how to respond,
they gain self control; and thirdly, helping them value their emotions helps
them develop concern for other people’s emotions. Let's look at each one.
Self Awareness
When
we help kids notice and name their emotions we help them become fully present
to their experiences. Our attention
tells them that what's happening to them is important. They can notice situations that cause them
stress, or make them happy or sad. They can pay attention to how they're
reacting when they meet new people, and distinguish who is trustworthy and who
is not. Being attentive to their emotions gives kids a guide to determine which
things are good for them and which aren't. This ability to observe emotions
helps kids become more thoughtful. Not only will they observe how situations
and other people are making them feel, they'll also be more aware of how their
own behavior affects others. Kids who can reflect about their emotional
reactions can strengthen their positive actions as well as accept their
mistakes and learn from them.
Self Control
When
we help kids learn to pause after an emotional reaction we help them consider
alternate ways of responding. Emotions
are strong motivators for action and being able to stop this push toward action
gives us the power to choose the best options. Yet, sometimes this option is
not available to us because we have denied what we are feeling. When we are out of touch with our feelings,
our emotional reactions become unpredictable. They happen without our conscious
input and rob us of the opportunity to make wise choices. Kids who can identify
their emotions and pause before acting strengthen their ability to tolerate
frustration. With time and practice they are less likely to respond impulsively
and can become good problem solvers. Kids who can pause and consider their
feelings are also more likely to express their feelings directly. It is much
easier to help a child when we know exactly what's bothering him or her. These
skills of sorting their best responses or expressing needs directly gives kids a
sense of their own competence. When kids are able to manage their emotions they
can extend this control to other situations, at school or home, or with peers
or adults.
Empathy
Helping
kids accept and value their feelings helps them value and respect the feelings
of
others. While we are hardwired to recognize emotions in others, this skill
needs to be actively cultivated or it atrophies.We can strengthen this skill
by helping our kids be kind and caring towards themselves. This means helping them
accept their positive as well as their negative emotions. It's easy to accept
positive emotions, but much harder to see our kids ashamed, angry or deeply
sad. Yet all our emotions serve a purpose. They help kids express the full
range of their feelings, which will give them comfort, confidence and emotional
flexibility. They will be able to comfort a friend who's sad or be joyful when
there's something to celebrate. Kids who are able to establish empathetic
connections with others will have relationships that offer comfort, safety and
support. These relationship skills will
also make them cooperative classmates, teammates and loyal friends.
